In The Beginning...4 Guesses Were Made

In the beginning, there was God, the creator of time itself...this is part 1 of my testimony of how I came to know my Lord Yeshua...

I was born December 10th, 1990 in Northridge, California. God has already given me, at the time, two older brothers, a mother, and a father I barely knew about. My father died when I was real young, which, I would say, threw my brothers into a sea of depression, drawing them close to gang vilence in my hometown of Simi Valley, California. Most of the time it was just my mother and myself alone because my brothers were doing time in "juvi." When I was six, my mother remarried to another man named Tim: I would say my life's biggest antagonist, despite the many valuable things he taught me in life (i.e. Calvinism). One time when I was 11 I went to the movies with my mother and one of my brothers to see a movie by the title, "Left Behind." This would soon be the springboard of the work God had in store for me, as I was constantly afraid of being "left behind."

When I was 14, I began asking the big questions like, "What is my purpose in life?" Being a chubby kid all through my childhood, I never understood what it was like to be the "cool kid" of the group. Depression and anxiety started to kick in here as I rarely made friends, let alone played outside. At 15 years of age my mother accepted a job offer, which led my family to relocate from our comfortabkle home in Simi Valley to the very much warm climate area of Fort Worth, Texas. The transition was rough for me, at this time being 235 lbs and entering high school as a freshman. Meeting some good friends finally, I began to lose weight as I played with the neighborhood kids in our new housing development. Still, the big question remained in my heart: "What is the purpose of my life?" As I began my search for the answer, I came up with guesses...4 of them to be exact. At first I though my purpose was literally to serve my friends...how stupid I was because that only caused me more pain. My next guess came during the summer after my freshman year in high school as I got into wrestling. I thought my purpose was to serve my team and to excel in sports, and for a while, it helped me so much! Here I was, 180 lbs, having lost 50-something lbs over break, and finally fitting into a group I can now call my own! Self-esteem and courage grew...for a while that is. Looking back, I should've known that nobody can ever have everlasting peace without the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus.

Breaking off for a bit on this chronological timeline of my testimony, I started reading the Bible at a rate unheard of when it came to 13/14-year-old boys. Memorization of passages and church doctrines sky-rocketed off the charts as I memorized for the sole purpose of people 3 times my age praising me for my knowledge at church. Christianity became so legalistic as I crammed Bible chapter after Bible chapter in my head. I hated church...I hated youth groups...As I read the Bible more and more I began asking myself, "Where is the love in church?" All throughout my life I've had so many bad experiences with youth groups as they were either too seeker-friendly, or nobody ever even came up to talk to me and introduce themselves...As said before, I hated church with a passion...

In the beginning of my sophmore year, I met a 17-year-old girl by the name of Rhea Souder, and her and I became very, very close friends. At the time my family had found a small Baptist church, only to be turned off by it to find another church. Now, if it wasn't for the liberty that they gave me to stay at Landmark Baptist Church, Rhea would've never had the impact she did in my life. I could honestly say that she was like a character out of a fairytale untold, unread, and unwritten...over time, I felt special as I was her story's only reader. Looking back, she was strong as any warrior going through life, yet gentle as a small girl. There were times when she would even call me up crying over the phone over some particular situation she was going through. Everytime we talked overthe phone, our conversations lasted from 2-4 hours each night, allowing us to wake up for school groggy the following morning each and every time. To even try to describe her personality would be a challenge. Nevertheless, I was 15 years old and in love. Meeting her allowed me to make my third guess of what my life's purpose was: "To be there for Rhea whenever."

As mentioned before, we became close...close enough to even call each other "little brother" and "big sister." As I cotinued to be a part of Rhea's life, my life became so complicated. Wrestling was pointless to me now because all I wanted to do was be with Rhea. We got to a point where she began telling me of her past...unrated. I felt so privlidged to uncover the secrets of her life I was "assured" by my own deceitful heart that I was going to spend the rest of my life with her...Now it was time for God to usher me into the beginning of His plan for me...

During the summer of my sophmore year I was invited over Rhea's for the weekend (she lived in Granbury, TX). Truthfully, at heart I am a headcase, as out of my own depression, emotional-clinginess, and anxiety I started a fight over pointless issues with Rhea. After that weekend I returned home and over the phone she revealed she couldn't deal with my emotional-chaotic self, and that we should back off from each other...Depression rose, bursting out like a hot-spring. I soon became suicidal and prayed that God would take my life away. "What was my purose exactly!?" My fourth guess was: "I had none..."

"Where was God?" "Did He really love me?" "Where did it say in the Bible that He saved Nick Romero?" "Does He want me to stay depressed?" These are but a fistful of questions I had for myself and God...if He heard me. My depression became so evident, especially when I broke down in front of my own parents, that they signed me up for THEIR church's youth retreat...At the time, I stil hated church and youth groups, but I also wanted to leave Texas. The retreat was up in Colorado in a cabin. At this point, I'd take any detour out of my life, so I chose to go..."Where was God exactly?" In the beginning...4 guesses were made...