Just as the title of this post goes, I now have 4 weeks left until my new life at Moody starts up, and with that I add on that there is a mixture of emotions in my heart about this transition. I am extremely excited on the one hand for seeing God moving me up to Chi-town to begin my training for the ministry He has called me to. I am thrilled I will get to know this "Dream Team" my roommate's old roommate has been bragging about so much since I had visited the school back in February. On the other hand I feel sad...There will be some people I will be missing, one in particular I met about 4 or so months ago...yet I trust in the Lord's ability to provide for them all.
C.S. Lewis once said, "Friendship is the greatest of the worldly goods. Certainly to me it is the chief happiness of life. If I had to give a piece of advice to a young man about a place to live, I think I should say, 'sacrifice almost everything to live where you can be near your friends.' I know I am very fortunate in that respect." All my life I desired for at least a group of friends I could engraft myself into. After my New Birth, my first attempt was with my own church's youth group, but because of prejudices of my own and others that failed. My next attempt was with a youth group of another church. Most of these folks went to my school and I've known them since my sophmore year in high school. Personally speaking, what turned me off from them would be the same reason that turned me off from Christianity in time's past: cliques. I clearly remember, time and time again, the disappointment of leaving their church, or even Starbucks (for their Tuesday night fellowship) without anyone ever introducing themselves to me or at least talking to me. Looking back, none of those guys and I had anything in common. I started street evenagelism when I was in my senior year of high school, which did not go well with these guys. Apparently it's offensive for Christians to walk in the Name of our Lord and the Apostles to declare that sin leads to Hell and that salvation comes from Christ. Then February came and I was astonished at the amount of people I met with my same passion for evangelism. When they found out I got accepted into Moody, they were quick (from what I hear) to vote me in as a leader for the school's Student Outreach! So..teaming up with a great partner already, I am ready to not only spend time with my roommate and this group of amazing friends, but to also give glory to God up in a christian-filled environment! I pray though I will not develop a love for this haven more than the world where I am called to be ministering in to the point where I distance myself from non-Christians.
This summer I've been witnessing the amazing heart of my roommate for his mother who is stricken with bad health problems. He has been spending weeks on end with her and his little sister as her mom is recovering slowly. In addition to taking care of her bills, he's also been mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, and picking up the prescription medicine his mom needs for her liver. In addition to all of this, he has been preparing sermon after sermon to preach at our church. I still cannot believe I know an awesome man of God whom, if I could say, I can model myself after (except for some of his annoying habits like teasing me and dismissing "dumb" questions :p). We have very oppostie personalities, him being an introvert and me being an extrovert. Yet, if I may say, we have become great friends in the last 2 or so years of us knowing each other. I continue to pray for his future wife. He is going to be a great husband and pastor indeed! Someday, he and I will lie back in our chairs in his house with Mrs. Schmidt cooking us brownies and the kids running around while we reminisce on how amazing God is and gracious he is to us. Mrs. Romero will be chatting away with Mrs. Schmidt about the same thing in the kitchen :)
My heart is burdening me to brag about another friend of mine, one who I will miss so so dearly. I pray one day she will find out how much exactly she means to me in a way where words cannot describe it (you know who you are sister!). I first met her months ago buying a can of Monster at the TCC bookstore. My first impression of this nice, beautiful girl was, "WOW she smiles A LOT!" Who would've known that months later we would become the best of friends. We've had many outings, from going out swing dancing, singing at karaokes, and watching movies at the dollar theater late at night. It is incredible to witness how much we talk and think the same. I can honestly say she is one of the people I will miss the most, and when that day comes when I will have to hug her off as the next day she leaves for college, I will be the one restless in bed, sad that I did not get to know her earlier, yet happy that this girl will be heading off in the direction God has called her to pursue. I believe with all my heart she will be given a great husband of God, have many children, and live a life pleasing to our Father. Morgan...I love you so much and am praising God every second for us becoming so close of friends!
Besides the two people I mentioned, lasting moments with others is rough. I took one of my deciples in evangelism out for ice cream the other day. What a STRONG WILLED GIRL SHE IS with a personality that scared me when I first met her! Certainly we had a rocky start of a friendship, but in the end, this beautiful girl became one of my closest girl friends. Ironically she is also heading off to a Bible school up in New York. Another girl who attends the Master's College out in California has expressed her desire for evangelism as well, and to the Mormon people too! I've known this girl for about 3 years now, as she is a great friend and comrade in the faith, ready to serve God wherever He puts her! Being the daughter of one of my pastors, she knows Scripture like the back of her hand. Holy Spirit will work mighty things in her as well!
Chooing this time and place to end this post, I will include this thought: On the way to work today I was driving on the highway when I noticed how big the clouds in the sky were. Now Texas has more humidity than it knows what to do with, but today looked especially great. For 5 years I spent so much time down here in the South. As noted in previous posts, I'm from beautiful Southern California, yet most of my growth I would say has taken place down here. I've made bonds that would last forever as well as faced many heartbreaks, yet if I may borrow words from the Apostle Paul, "But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you" (Philippians 3:14-15). It is just like what Morgan told me this morning at a local Whataburger: "The transition for both of us may be sad, but we should be glad that we are both following what God has called us to." She was right (as always). There is definitely going to be a season of sorrow as transitioning for me will be rough, but God has called me to higher and greater things. It doesn't matter now what will happen. I will never give up the fight! Long as the voice inside tells me to follow Him and fight, I will continue to praise Him more.
"The truth is is that a Clergyman, an elder, or a Christian is what they are in proportion to their commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ. If you're really committed to Christ, you take on the world for Christ." --- Walter Martin
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
A Calling For More Fearless Laborers
About one more month or so is left before the next chapter of my life begins up in Chicago, Illinois. I can almost sense the dry, humid 95 degree summer nights of Texas passing by as I will be spending my time, effort, ministry, and prayers up in a new land I have only visited once before in February (probably even more humid than down here, from what I hear). In preparation for two particular classes I will be taking I have been reading through the entire Bible. I have just finished the Old Testament about a week or two ago, and now am embarking on reading the New Testament. So instead of chapter after chapter, and book after book of pretty much, "You have all angered Me in your sin, therefore I will punish you in your captivity and pestilence, but there will come a day for a Savior," The New Testament to me is like a light at the end of the tunnel as grace was made manifest to us on Earth in the fullest through the Person of Jesus Christ.
For the last couple years I have met some pretty interesting characters when it came to the subject on spiritual things. Back in high school I met a kid who literally told me that he bases everything he knew about an afterlife on something so ever-changing as music. I have tried to reason with others who believe Hell is a place where the party never ends, literally. A common answer I get on the streets when asking people where they will go to after they die would possibly be, "It depends on what you believe," as if we are the authors of where we go, whether it be Paradise with many virgins, Summerland, Heaven, Hell, or even complete annihilation of thought and consciousness. Sad as it is for me to go out week after week and talk to people who are literally dead to any warnings of a Judgement Day, what pricks my heart the most would be talking to those nicely dressed missionaries who come to your door, smiling big and offering "new revelation" that God has apparently revealed. Truth be told, I am not just talking about the Mormons or Jehovah's Witnesses, but anyone trapped in the Kingdom of the Cults (Christian Science, Unity, Scientology, Bahai, Unitarian, Father Divine, etc.). It is one thing to deal with people who trust in their own presuppositions about life and death, but it is a totally different, emotional roller-coaster to deal with people who trust in another person's or organization's teachings about spirituality.
Back in my senior year in high school (which I would say would be the starting point of my future calling to the cults in general), there was a group that met by one of the pillars in the commons every single morning. Later on I found out they were all from the same Mormon ward just down the street. I finally had the chance to witness to one of these guys, to which I left the conversation with great sadness. She seemed to repeatedly say, "Oh that's what our church teaches too!" Now in the back of my mind I knew there was something off here. Either she was right and I was out of my mind talking to her about Christ, or a redefinition of terms (God, Jesus, sin, salvation, etc.) was in order. The latter was the case, yet it took me a couple more months to figure that one out. Define who God is to Mormon and they will quite literally tell you He was once a man, but through much diligence elevated Himself to Godhood. Jesus to the Mormons is one god among a pantheon of god, the spirit brother of Lucifer, and the product of sexual relations between Elohim and the Virgin Mary. Salvation, according to Mormonism, is clearly laid out in their own Book of Mormon: "...For it is by grace we are saved, after all that we can do" (2 Nephi 25:23).
Other opportunities have come to my door...literally. My neighborhood seems get a lot of Spanish-speaking Jehovahs' Witnesses (due to the local Kingdom Hall's ability to perform diagnostic tests of what the majority race and ethnic background is in each neighborhood in the surrounding area). On very random days you see a train-load of those ministers walking up and down the street with copies of "Watchtower" and "Awake" magazines. It is very humorous as to the approach of how they go door to door. As you open the door to a curious knock, you find either a man or a woman, or two women and a little 5-year-old child, as if the Jehovah's Witnesses slogan to you is, "Hell: a family-oriented community." You can see why I am so blunt as to make that claim, due to the fact that Jesus to them is not the Jesus of the Bible. The Jesus of the Bible is God Himself in human flesh, whereas Jesus according to the WatchTower is Michael the Archangel who came to Earth, died and rose again as a spirit being, ascended back into Heaven, and came back invisibly in 1914 to establish His headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. Salvation is attained through your good lifestyle and works (including going door-to-door) and even then, no one is able to enter Heaven because it is filled up, but the next best destination that is available is Paradise Earth.
One of my biggest pet-peeves in all the world is to have someone say they had missionaries at their door, and yet they hid themselves within their own homes so that the missionaries would not know they were there. Why does this bug me? Simple...it shows that the Christian Church is scared of the cults. One lady went up to a minister and said, "Oh I have found a perfect way in dealing with Jehovah's Witnesses!" The minister, curious about the lady's excitement, asked, "How?" The lady then replied, "As I see them walking down the street, I pull the shades and lock the door!" I CANNOT BELIEVE that the Christian Church has been reduced to a generation of shade-pullers and door-lockers! We should be a generation of opening the doors wide open, pulling them in by the arm, and saying, "WELCOME! Let me tell you about Jesus Christ friend!" For years, we as Christians have buried our heads in the sand, and hoped that the cults would go away like a bad dream. Reality tell us that they are the ones perishing...with Bibles in their hands at that! In this world you have Maharishi, Reverend Sun Myung Moon, Maharishi Mahesh Yoga, the Mormons, the Jehovah's Witnesses, the Christian Scientists, and about +84 million people running around saying, "THIS WAY TO GOD!" There is only one way to God, according to the Scriptures. "Neither is there salvation in any other, there is no other name given under Heaven among men where by you must be saved [Jesus Christ]" (Acts 4:12). Here Peter was talking about the real Jesus, the real Gospel, the real Holy Spirit, and it's time that the Church stood up to answer the Atheist, the Agnostic, the Skeptic, the Cultist, and the Occultist, and say, "This is of Christ, and that is of the Devil, now let's take a stand on it!"
He who has ears to hear (or in this case, "eyes to read") let them hear to what the Spirit of the Lord says to the Church. The people in the cults are not the enemy. They're just pawns in the chess game of Satanic deception. They smile just like us, cry just like us, hurt just like us, and most importantly, sin just like all of us. They are human beings and the Church's brothers and sisters under Adam. We should not hide ourselves from them if we have a truth that is able to save their souls from Hell. We should all love them all a lot more. In the words of the late Dr. Walter Martin, "Will you not bear the voice of the Lord of the Vineyard? See these fields of the cults and the occult, and reach out to them in the name of Jesus."
For the last couple years I have met some pretty interesting characters when it came to the subject on spiritual things. Back in high school I met a kid who literally told me that he bases everything he knew about an afterlife on something so ever-changing as music. I have tried to reason with others who believe Hell is a place where the party never ends, literally. A common answer I get on the streets when asking people where they will go to after they die would possibly be, "It depends on what you believe," as if we are the authors of where we go, whether it be Paradise with many virgins, Summerland, Heaven, Hell, or even complete annihilation of thought and consciousness. Sad as it is for me to go out week after week and talk to people who are literally dead to any warnings of a Judgement Day, what pricks my heart the most would be talking to those nicely dressed missionaries who come to your door, smiling big and offering "new revelation" that God has apparently revealed. Truth be told, I am not just talking about the Mormons or Jehovah's Witnesses, but anyone trapped in the Kingdom of the Cults (Christian Science, Unity, Scientology, Bahai, Unitarian, Father Divine, etc.). It is one thing to deal with people who trust in their own presuppositions about life and death, but it is a totally different, emotional roller-coaster to deal with people who trust in another person's or organization's teachings about spirituality.
Back in my senior year in high school (which I would say would be the starting point of my future calling to the cults in general), there was a group that met by one of the pillars in the commons every single morning. Later on I found out they were all from the same Mormon ward just down the street. I finally had the chance to witness to one of these guys, to which I left the conversation with great sadness. She seemed to repeatedly say, "Oh that's what our church teaches too!" Now in the back of my mind I knew there was something off here. Either she was right and I was out of my mind talking to her about Christ, or a redefinition of terms (God, Jesus, sin, salvation, etc.) was in order. The latter was the case, yet it took me a couple more months to figure that one out. Define who God is to Mormon and they will quite literally tell you He was once a man, but through much diligence elevated Himself to Godhood. Jesus to the Mormons is one god among a pantheon of god, the spirit brother of Lucifer, and the product of sexual relations between Elohim and the Virgin Mary. Salvation, according to Mormonism, is clearly laid out in their own Book of Mormon: "...For it is by grace we are saved, after all that we can do" (2 Nephi 25:23).
Other opportunities have come to my door...literally. My neighborhood seems get a lot of Spanish-speaking Jehovahs' Witnesses (due to the local Kingdom Hall's ability to perform diagnostic tests of what the majority race and ethnic background is in each neighborhood in the surrounding area). On very random days you see a train-load of those ministers walking up and down the street with copies of "Watchtower" and "Awake" magazines. It is very humorous as to the approach of how they go door to door. As you open the door to a curious knock, you find either a man or a woman, or two women and a little 5-year-old child, as if the Jehovah's Witnesses slogan to you is, "Hell: a family-oriented community." You can see why I am so blunt as to make that claim, due to the fact that Jesus to them is not the Jesus of the Bible. The Jesus of the Bible is God Himself in human flesh, whereas Jesus according to the WatchTower is Michael the Archangel who came to Earth, died and rose again as a spirit being, ascended back into Heaven, and came back invisibly in 1914 to establish His headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. Salvation is attained through your good lifestyle and works (including going door-to-door) and even then, no one is able to enter Heaven because it is filled up, but the next best destination that is available is Paradise Earth.
One of my biggest pet-peeves in all the world is to have someone say they had missionaries at their door, and yet they hid themselves within their own homes so that the missionaries would not know they were there. Why does this bug me? Simple...it shows that the Christian Church is scared of the cults. One lady went up to a minister and said, "Oh I have found a perfect way in dealing with Jehovah's Witnesses!" The minister, curious about the lady's excitement, asked, "How?" The lady then replied, "As I see them walking down the street, I pull the shades and lock the door!" I CANNOT BELIEVE that the Christian Church has been reduced to a generation of shade-pullers and door-lockers! We should be a generation of opening the doors wide open, pulling them in by the arm, and saying, "WELCOME! Let me tell you about Jesus Christ friend!" For years, we as Christians have buried our heads in the sand, and hoped that the cults would go away like a bad dream. Reality tell us that they are the ones perishing...with Bibles in their hands at that! In this world you have Maharishi, Reverend Sun Myung Moon, Maharishi Mahesh Yoga, the Mormons, the Jehovah's Witnesses, the Christian Scientists, and about +84 million people running around saying, "THIS WAY TO GOD!" There is only one way to God, according to the Scriptures. "Neither is there salvation in any other, there is no other name given under Heaven among men where by you must be saved [Jesus Christ]" (Acts 4:12). Here Peter was talking about the real Jesus, the real Gospel, the real Holy Spirit, and it's time that the Church stood up to answer the Atheist, the Agnostic, the Skeptic, the Cultist, and the Occultist, and say, "This is of Christ, and that is of the Devil, now let's take a stand on it!"
He who has ears to hear (or in this case, "eyes to read") let them hear to what the Spirit of the Lord says to the Church. The people in the cults are not the enemy. They're just pawns in the chess game of Satanic deception. They smile just like us, cry just like us, hurt just like us, and most importantly, sin just like all of us. They are human beings and the Church's brothers and sisters under Adam. We should not hide ourselves from them if we have a truth that is able to save their souls from Hell. We should all love them all a lot more. In the words of the late Dr. Walter Martin, "Will you not bear the voice of the Lord of the Vineyard? See these fields of the cults and the occult, and reach out to them in the name of Jesus."
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Monsters
When you hear the word "monster" what pops up in your head? A three-head, sabertooth tiger with wings like a bat and 8 legs? Maybe you imagine our favorate Japanese monster from the classic "Godzilla" movies? I used to not believe in monsters, but in recent years my perspective has changed quite a bit from the one I had when I was that cute, adorable, chubby, Barney-loving little brat I was. Monsters are oh so real and have the ability to keep you away from that life you so desire for yourself. They have the ability to scratch, claw, and squeeze the life out of you until you drop. Monsters can take the form of just about anything, and depending on their form, can decieve others in thinking they aren't really there at all. Sounds strange? Well sometimes monsters can decieve us in a way where it will take us literally months or years for us to realize what kind of damage they have been causing in our lives. Don't believe me? Well my friend, I ask you in return, "why?"
Up until now this may seems silly coming from me. "Nick believing in monsters?" Well, before people think I have regressed to the age of diapers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the monsters I believe in are quite different than the ones you might find on tv or in books. My monsters have been a part of my very own life for a long, long time, and no matter how much I fight them, they seem to gain more strength over me, like some mutant bathing in a pool of radioactive sludge until he reaches the size of a skyscraper. "Time" seems to be their source of nutrition, and they are on that calorie-free diet for one purpose: to utterly make my life complicated and troublesome. Right now I think about the monster of Lust who seems to allure me with false promises and decieving looks, all the while strangling me until I fall in a ditch before my Savior. Anger brutally beats me with blow after blow in the face as I try to justify hating others who are more successful at life than I am. Jealousy has whipped me with it's tail plenty of times as I look upon the popular and "pretty" people. Anxiety has caused so many divisions in friendships I've made that it makes me want to break down and cry whenever I think about the people I have failed and caused misery. These monsters I hate so much, and if I can I would love to eradicate them from my life forever.
The Apostle Paul was no stranger to monsters in his own life. In Romans 7 we read, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do-this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me" (vv. 15-21). I find it interesting that the Apostle Paul is not that much different than me. He desired to do what was right and pleasing in God's eyes, and yet he had the tendency to do the exact opposite continually. I feel like a failure most of the time..but so did Paul. Just like him, I agree that God's law is good, but my flesh seems to find it a hobby to war against His law.
Two times in the past I have allowed anxiety to creep in and doubt not only two tremendous friends, but God's goodness overall. The first friend is about two years older than me, and no matter how many times she called me her little brother, I still doubted the validity of her truthfulness. The second friend I will be seeing up at Moody possibly, and what a grand jerk I was to her...to both girls really. These two girls shared with me the deepest, darkest secrets of their lives, and yet I trampled on what was oh so precious to them, actually assuming they were just using me as some emotional crutch. Now it's one thing to have strange thoughts flowing in and out of your mind, but to actually come out and say it to these old friends of mine and treating them like dirt (out of my own anxiety and stupidness)...I can only imagine the pain they felt...
Lust seems to be the most basic battle for men as we seek to live out a godly life. Me personally, I want to be a light to others. I find myself desiring strength continually from God to help lift up my friends and to carry out His message to a dying world. I want to be the sort of brother to all my precious Christian sisters where if they need strength, I will be there to freely disperse it. If my sisters need someone to tell them how pretty they look today, I want to be the first one to remind them of their beauty. I also desire to be a great godly man to my future wife one day, and to be the kind of husband who will not only nurture her heart, but be her best friend. Yet...I am quickly reminded of my weaknesses once I catch a glimpse of a girl wearing a short skirt during the summer and entertainign certain thoguhts. Instances like those make me feel like crud...How in the world can I be a light to my sisters when I find myself so drawn to such sinful attractions?
The point of this post? Specifically, I'm not unloading my failures and problems in "type form" like a guilty Roman Catholic, attending Confession in order to seek forgiveness. I am writing about these monsters of mine because of my guilt of actually basking in the continual praises I get for being this "superhuman Christian." I'm a sinner too, just like you, and just like you, I have broken God's law countless of times. I am the worst of the worst sinners I know, and if there was a guy who struggled more with sin, I'd be the heavyweight champion of the world. Echoing Paul's words, "I am the chief of sinners."
I seek to be more loving and caring to my darling Christian sisters, to be more humble while I am out evangelizing, more caring to my family, and more of a courageous warrior to even my "Moody family" whom I will also be spending at least a year with starting this upcoming Fall. I want to be a role model to my deciples who admire me so much, and the person people, whom I love so so dearly, go to whenever they need help...Yet how can I when I am in the nasty state of sin I am in? Paul goes on in Romans 7, " For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death" (vv. 22-24)?
Praise Him who is able to forgive me of my sins so exceedingly more than I can ask for. I love my Savior. This may have been a "spur in the moment" blog, and therefore lacks real substance and thought, but to echo the words of a particular sister I admire, "I'll often pursue expression at the expense of perfection."
"Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..." (Romans 7:25-8:1).
Up until now this may seems silly coming from me. "Nick believing in monsters?" Well, before people think I have regressed to the age of diapers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the monsters I believe in are quite different than the ones you might find on tv or in books. My monsters have been a part of my very own life for a long, long time, and no matter how much I fight them, they seem to gain more strength over me, like some mutant bathing in a pool of radioactive sludge until he reaches the size of a skyscraper. "Time" seems to be their source of nutrition, and they are on that calorie-free diet for one purpose: to utterly make my life complicated and troublesome. Right now I think about the monster of Lust who seems to allure me with false promises and decieving looks, all the while strangling me until I fall in a ditch before my Savior. Anger brutally beats me with blow after blow in the face as I try to justify hating others who are more successful at life than I am. Jealousy has whipped me with it's tail plenty of times as I look upon the popular and "pretty" people. Anxiety has caused so many divisions in friendships I've made that it makes me want to break down and cry whenever I think about the people I have failed and caused misery. These monsters I hate so much, and if I can I would love to eradicate them from my life forever.
The Apostle Paul was no stranger to monsters in his own life. In Romans 7 we read, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do-this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me" (vv. 15-21). I find it interesting that the Apostle Paul is not that much different than me. He desired to do what was right and pleasing in God's eyes, and yet he had the tendency to do the exact opposite continually. I feel like a failure most of the time..but so did Paul. Just like him, I agree that God's law is good, but my flesh seems to find it a hobby to war against His law.
Two times in the past I have allowed anxiety to creep in and doubt not only two tremendous friends, but God's goodness overall. The first friend is about two years older than me, and no matter how many times she called me her little brother, I still doubted the validity of her truthfulness. The second friend I will be seeing up at Moody possibly, and what a grand jerk I was to her...to both girls really. These two girls shared with me the deepest, darkest secrets of their lives, and yet I trampled on what was oh so precious to them, actually assuming they were just using me as some emotional crutch. Now it's one thing to have strange thoughts flowing in and out of your mind, but to actually come out and say it to these old friends of mine and treating them like dirt (out of my own anxiety and stupidness)...I can only imagine the pain they felt...
Lust seems to be the most basic battle for men as we seek to live out a godly life. Me personally, I want to be a light to others. I find myself desiring strength continually from God to help lift up my friends and to carry out His message to a dying world. I want to be the sort of brother to all my precious Christian sisters where if they need strength, I will be there to freely disperse it. If my sisters need someone to tell them how pretty they look today, I want to be the first one to remind them of their beauty. I also desire to be a great godly man to my future wife one day, and to be the kind of husband who will not only nurture her heart, but be her best friend. Yet...I am quickly reminded of my weaknesses once I catch a glimpse of a girl wearing a short skirt during the summer and entertainign certain thoguhts. Instances like those make me feel like crud...How in the world can I be a light to my sisters when I find myself so drawn to such sinful attractions?
The point of this post? Specifically, I'm not unloading my failures and problems in "type form" like a guilty Roman Catholic, attending Confession in order to seek forgiveness. I am writing about these monsters of mine because of my guilt of actually basking in the continual praises I get for being this "superhuman Christian." I'm a sinner too, just like you, and just like you, I have broken God's law countless of times. I am the worst of the worst sinners I know, and if there was a guy who struggled more with sin, I'd be the heavyweight champion of the world. Echoing Paul's words, "I am the chief of sinners."
I seek to be more loving and caring to my darling Christian sisters, to be more humble while I am out evangelizing, more caring to my family, and more of a courageous warrior to even my "Moody family" whom I will also be spending at least a year with starting this upcoming Fall. I want to be a role model to my deciples who admire me so much, and the person people, whom I love so so dearly, go to whenever they need help...Yet how can I when I am in the nasty state of sin I am in? Paul goes on in Romans 7, " For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death" (vv. 22-24)?
Praise Him who is able to forgive me of my sins so exceedingly more than I can ask for. I love my Savior. This may have been a "spur in the moment" blog, and therefore lacks real substance and thought, but to echo the words of a particular sister I admire, "I'll often pursue expression at the expense of perfection."
"Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..." (Romans 7:25-8:1).
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Updates From A Texan Bloke
It is now JUNE and you can literally feel the 98% humidity in the air caressing your body as you make your way to your mailbox to get the mail. It is only about week 4 or so since classes at Tarrant County College ended and I couldn't be anymore happier. Now, instead of reading about Shakespeare and sitting in a classroom while a feminist professor bashes on the Bible, I am now currently using my free time reading the Bible and studying more Apologetics. Oh blissful days...
I suppose the fun all started when Joseph and Lindsey Durant (the big sister of Jon and Seth as mentioned in my last post) flew back home from Moody. I seriously have almost forgotten that big smile and innocent personality of Lindsey's (I mean afterall, I only knew her for a week). It is funny to note that during the time with the Durants I have had the fortune of spending with, I know Gina (the younger sister) a lot better than Lindsey. The two are complete polar opposites from each other...one literally is able to bounce off the walls while the other would possibly just stand in the crowd and laugh at the silliness. If the two were to be compared to animals, one would almost be an energetic rabit while the other would be a laid-back, yet graceful, cat. Nevertheless, I love the girls as my own sisters and would love to know them more and see who in fact they end up marrying in the future.
Joseph and I have spent much time together since he's been out here. Lindsey seems to find it great joy having the two of us in the same room with her. Apparently she finds it hilarious to observe all the inside jokes and fun the two of us can ignite. So far Joseph and I have gone out for pizza, did some one-on-one evangelism, swing danced, and even open air preached both in Southlake Townsquare and Downtown Fort Worth. One time Lindsey came out to preach and that brought back wonderful memories from when I first met her up in Chicago. I just came back from Joseph's house, watching both a video of him preaching and a Star Trek episode. It is real awesome to know that the person who taught me evangelism is going to be my roommate for my first semester up at Moody!
Sad to say I have been neglecting my time with Gina Durant these past weeks or so, and not only her, but Jon and Seth. I have been so busy working and meeting with other outside of work that time with the others have had to be placed on the back-burner for now. Gina truly is a great girl, not to mention dancer! I believe I know the best dancer around :) Jon and Seth I wish I can spend more time training in evangelism. At one point, Jon expressed a wanting to open air preach, a wanting I hope will eventually push him to preach, if not now, then later. On one occassion in Downtown Fort Worth, Joseph and I ran across a young man my age by the name of Alex Long. Apparently, he leads his own church's youth group out to evangelize! Expressing a desire to learn how to open air preach, we are now considering getting together and merging teams, not to mention teaching him out to be a bonified preacher, like Joseph and myself!
So I suppose it is safe to say I will be missing the Texan life I have lived thus far, not to mention the bonds I've established out here in the blessed South. If I wasn't going to Moody, I'd love to train Jon and Seth more. Outreach to the cults would definitely be on the forefront of my mind and heart. Lindsey would be staying down here for about a semester or so, which would eventually lead to us spending more bro/sis time together, and Gina and I would have more time to bond as well! I really feel that if God hadn't called me to Moody I would've lived this "alternative life" where I can still still see myself working security overnights, preaching with Alex Long and our new combined team, while on Sunday afternoons having lunch with the Durants at their house. During my time down here, Gina and I would be doing some more swing dancing, Lulu (Lindsey's nickname) and I would be tackling Muslim mosques, and Sterling (a friend of Gina's) and I would be having sushi at least once a month! Oh how my thoughts travel to far off places, stepping into a doorway that leads to another life! Now do I wish I spent more time down here...? To tell you the truth...NO! I hate living in Texas just as much as I hate watching the gas price rise over a span of two weeks. Yet, in some weird, mystical way I would like to spend more time with the friends I have made more without ever prolonging my time before I fly up to Chicago...Lindsey is deifintely coming back to Moody sometime in the future, while Gina still has about another year in homeschooling before she can head off to college.
To sum up, it has been a long, emotional/spiritual ride for me...To sum up, God has taught me the importance of being led by His Spirit instead of either running too far from It or lagging behind It. It is important to note that if one pursues an avenue that is not in accordance to the will of God, you can expect Him to pull you out and shine bright lights in your face until you agree to submit to His authority. Currently I am brushing up on my Mormon studies in hopes of visiting two Mormon churches (or at least one) and asking the attendees questions as they come out, praying that the seed of the Gospel will be planted.
2 more months until Moody!...the pendulum swings...God I'm going where you want me to go...
I suppose the fun all started when Joseph and Lindsey Durant (the big sister of Jon and Seth as mentioned in my last post) flew back home from Moody. I seriously have almost forgotten that big smile and innocent personality of Lindsey's (I mean afterall, I only knew her for a week). It is funny to note that during the time with the Durants I have had the fortune of spending with, I know Gina (the younger sister) a lot better than Lindsey. The two are complete polar opposites from each other...one literally is able to bounce off the walls while the other would possibly just stand in the crowd and laugh at the silliness. If the two were to be compared to animals, one would almost be an energetic rabit while the other would be a laid-back, yet graceful, cat. Nevertheless, I love the girls as my own sisters and would love to know them more and see who in fact they end up marrying in the future.
Joseph and I have spent much time together since he's been out here. Lindsey seems to find it great joy having the two of us in the same room with her. Apparently she finds it hilarious to observe all the inside jokes and fun the two of us can ignite. So far Joseph and I have gone out for pizza, did some one-on-one evangelism, swing danced, and even open air preached both in Southlake Townsquare and Downtown Fort Worth. One time Lindsey came out to preach and that brought back wonderful memories from when I first met her up in Chicago. I just came back from Joseph's house, watching both a video of him preaching and a Star Trek episode. It is real awesome to know that the person who taught me evangelism is going to be my roommate for my first semester up at Moody!
Sad to say I have been neglecting my time with Gina Durant these past weeks or so, and not only her, but Jon and Seth. I have been so busy working and meeting with other outside of work that time with the others have had to be placed on the back-burner for now. Gina truly is a great girl, not to mention dancer! I believe I know the best dancer around :) Jon and Seth I wish I can spend more time training in evangelism. At one point, Jon expressed a wanting to open air preach, a wanting I hope will eventually push him to preach, if not now, then later. On one occassion in Downtown Fort Worth, Joseph and I ran across a young man my age by the name of Alex Long. Apparently, he leads his own church's youth group out to evangelize! Expressing a desire to learn how to open air preach, we are now considering getting together and merging teams, not to mention teaching him out to be a bonified preacher, like Joseph and myself!
So I suppose it is safe to say I will be missing the Texan life I have lived thus far, not to mention the bonds I've established out here in the blessed South. If I wasn't going to Moody, I'd love to train Jon and Seth more. Outreach to the cults would definitely be on the forefront of my mind and heart. Lindsey would be staying down here for about a semester or so, which would eventually lead to us spending more bro/sis time together, and Gina and I would have more time to bond as well! I really feel that if God hadn't called me to Moody I would've lived this "alternative life" where I can still still see myself working security overnights, preaching with Alex Long and our new combined team, while on Sunday afternoons having lunch with the Durants at their house. During my time down here, Gina and I would be doing some more swing dancing, Lulu (Lindsey's nickname) and I would be tackling Muslim mosques, and Sterling (a friend of Gina's) and I would be having sushi at least once a month! Oh how my thoughts travel to far off places, stepping into a doorway that leads to another life! Now do I wish I spent more time down here...? To tell you the truth...NO! I hate living in Texas just as much as I hate watching the gas price rise over a span of two weeks. Yet, in some weird, mystical way I would like to spend more time with the friends I have made more without ever prolonging my time before I fly up to Chicago...Lindsey is deifintely coming back to Moody sometime in the future, while Gina still has about another year in homeschooling before she can head off to college.
To sum up, it has been a long, emotional/spiritual ride for me...To sum up, God has taught me the importance of being led by His Spirit instead of either running too far from It or lagging behind It. It is important to note that if one pursues an avenue that is not in accordance to the will of God, you can expect Him to pull you out and shine bright lights in your face until you agree to submit to His authority. Currently I am brushing up on my Mormon studies in hopes of visiting two Mormon churches (or at least one) and asking the attendees questions as they come out, praying that the seed of the Gospel will be planted.
2 more months until Moody!...the pendulum swings...God I'm going where you want me to go...
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Rise Up O Men Of God...
Rise up O men of God,
Have done with lesser things.
Give heart and soul and mind and strength,
To serve the King of Kings,
To serve the King of Kings.
Rise up O men of God,
His Kingdom tarries long,
Bring in the day of brotherhood,
And end the night of wrong,
And end the night of wrong.
Rise up O men of God,
The Church for you doth wait.
Send forth to serve the needs of men
In Christ our strength is great,
In Christ our strength is great.
Lift high the Cross of Christ,
Tread where His feet have trod,
As brothers of the Son of Man,
Rise up O men of God,
Rise up O men of God.
Rise up O men of God,
Have done with lesser things.
Give heart and soul and mind and strength,
To serve the King of Kings,
To serve the King of Kings.
Have done with lesser things.
Give heart and soul and mind and strength,
To serve the King of Kings,
To serve the King of Kings.
Rise up O men of God,
His Kingdom tarries long,
Bring in the day of brotherhood,
And end the night of wrong,
And end the night of wrong.
Rise up O men of God,
The Church for you doth wait.
Send forth to serve the needs of men
In Christ our strength is great,
In Christ our strength is great.
Lift high the Cross of Christ,
Tread where His feet have trod,
As brothers of the Son of Man,
Rise up O men of God,
Rise up O men of God.
Rise up O men of God,
Have done with lesser things.
Give heart and soul and mind and strength,
To serve the King of Kings,
To serve the King of Kings.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
One of my most saddest days ever...
July 24, Friday morning, me and 3 other brothers attended the 2009 Jehovah's Witness District Conference in Downtown Fort Worth at the Fort Worth Convention Center. 5000-7000 people were in the stands, listening to these teachers preach the "Word of God". I only attended 3 hours of the convention, but three hours was enough...i was so depressed on the way home. These people who attended the convention...all believe they're going to heaven. The theme of the convention was "Keep on the Watch", to keep focusing on God and His Word and to not get entangled in the things of this world ("keep on focusing on the Word of God"?...KEEP ON?...ironic...). Several things stand out in my mind:
1) One part of the convention talked about the faith of Noah, Moses, and the prophet Jeremiah, and how we should strive to be more like them...but...shouldn't we strive to be like our grand master, Jesus? In fact, I've never even heard the name Jesus that Friday!
2) No where have I heard about the grace of God. Like i said, the focus of the convention was to be "good Christians" and to do the will of God by being loyal Christians in order to please God...but "grace" was never mentioned...the same grace that saves the believer from Hell (Romans 5:8---fyi Jehovahs Witnesses do not believe in a tortuous Hell for your sins).
3) About 7 Witnesses gave their own "testimonies" on stage to the audience and how the Watchtower Society has helped them. One Witness told of a story where he recently was "converted" and wrote to Headquarters in what to do next. Their reply: move to another city to serve them. Another Witness gave her testimony where when she was in high school she had all these scholarships from other colleges and the moderator expressed his opinion on how going to college was unbiblical (the woman agreed, which led to the conclusion of her testimony where she became a JW and knew she couldnt go to a college)
4)One speaker claimed that "the shepards of Christiandom are as speechless dogs" without the Truth
The religion of the Jehovahs Witnesses is one out of "how can we strive to do God's will and please Him in order to get into heaven". Yes, Christ is preached, but He is not God in human flesh, 2nd person of the holy trinity, and Savior of the World. He is in fact Michael the Archangel, who came to Earth, died on Earth for sins, rose from the dead in a spirit form, went back to heaven , and came back to earth invisibally to establish His kingdom and headquarters in Brooklyn, New York in 1914. Since 1914, they have had 7 false Armagedon prophecies (1914, 1918, 1922, 1925, 1941, 1969, 1975). Nevertheless, if one does not do what Watchtower says, and studies what Watchtower produces and gives out , he/she can not enter Paradise Earth (since Heaven is filled up with 144,000 people already).
I wish that the Church of Jesus Christ would have the guts to stand upon her heritage with the Word of God. Salvation is not from Watchtower, the revelations of Joseph Smith, nor the biblical interpretations of Mary Baker Eddie or Reverend Sung Myung Moon. We do not need the Book of Mormon, "What Does The Bible Really Teach", nor "Science and Health With Key To The Scriptures". All we need is the Bible and the illumination of the Holy Spirit to undestand the Truth. Baptism nor any other work is necessary for salvation. Here in this country you have the teachings of Maharishi Mahesh Yoga, an explosion of Islam, the Mormons, the Jehovahs Witnesses, and Cristian Scientists; 84+ million people claiming "this way to God!" There is only 1 way to God: "Neither is there salvation in any other, there is no other name, under heaven, given among men where by you must be saved, Jesus Christ" (Acts 4:12), and I am talking about the real Jesus, the real Holy Spirit, and the real Gospel, and its time for the Christian to stand up and proclaim to the atheist, the agnostic, the skeptic, the cultist, and the occultist, "This is Christianity, and that is of the Devil, now lets take a stand on it!"
1) One part of the convention talked about the faith of Noah, Moses, and the prophet Jeremiah, and how we should strive to be more like them...but...shouldn't we strive to be like our grand master, Jesus? In fact, I've never even heard the name Jesus that Friday!
2) No where have I heard about the grace of God. Like i said, the focus of the convention was to be "good Christians" and to do the will of God by being loyal Christians in order to please God...but "grace" was never mentioned...the same grace that saves the believer from Hell (Romans 5:8---fyi Jehovahs Witnesses do not believe in a tortuous Hell for your sins).
3) About 7 Witnesses gave their own "testimonies" on stage to the audience and how the Watchtower Society has helped them. One Witness told of a story where he recently was "converted" and wrote to Headquarters in what to do next. Their reply: move to another city to serve them. Another Witness gave her testimony where when she was in high school she had all these scholarships from other colleges and the moderator expressed his opinion on how going to college was unbiblical (the woman agreed, which led to the conclusion of her testimony where she became a JW and knew she couldnt go to a college)
4)One speaker claimed that "the shepards of Christiandom are as speechless dogs" without the Truth
The religion of the Jehovahs Witnesses is one out of "how can we strive to do God's will and please Him in order to get into heaven". Yes, Christ is preached, but He is not God in human flesh, 2nd person of the holy trinity, and Savior of the World. He is in fact Michael the Archangel, who came to Earth, died on Earth for sins, rose from the dead in a spirit form, went back to heaven , and came back to earth invisibally to establish His kingdom and headquarters in Brooklyn, New York in 1914. Since 1914, they have had 7 false Armagedon prophecies (1914, 1918, 1922, 1925, 1941, 1969, 1975). Nevertheless, if one does not do what Watchtower says, and studies what Watchtower produces and gives out , he/she can not enter Paradise Earth (since Heaven is filled up with 144,000 people already).
I wish that the Church of Jesus Christ would have the guts to stand upon her heritage with the Word of God. Salvation is not from Watchtower, the revelations of Joseph Smith, nor the biblical interpretations of Mary Baker Eddie or Reverend Sung Myung Moon. We do not need the Book of Mormon, "What Does The Bible Really Teach", nor "Science and Health With Key To The Scriptures". All we need is the Bible and the illumination of the Holy Spirit to undestand the Truth. Baptism nor any other work is necessary for salvation. Here in this country you have the teachings of Maharishi Mahesh Yoga, an explosion of Islam, the Mormons, the Jehovahs Witnesses, and Cristian Scientists; 84+ million people claiming "this way to God!" There is only 1 way to God: "Neither is there salvation in any other, there is no other name, under heaven, given among men where by you must be saved, Jesus Christ" (Acts 4:12), and I am talking about the real Jesus, the real Holy Spirit, and the real Gospel, and its time for the Christian to stand up and proclaim to the atheist, the agnostic, the skeptic, the cultist, and the occultist, "This is Christianity, and that is of the Devil, now lets take a stand on it!"
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thoughts on Decipleship
"Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit..." (Matthew 28:19).
With full knowledge of finals ahead of me and much studying to be done, I would like to ramble on about something a little more interesting than what TCC has to throw at me before I fly off to Moody: decipleship. I believe it was John MacArthur who said that decipleship was even more important than evangelism. Reason is is that if you can blast out the Gospel to everyone in the world, terrific, yet if you can work in the life of even one individual, pouring all your knowledge and self into that person, you've done something so amazing. MacArthur used the term "making copies of yourself." Chip Ingram once said in his book, "Good to Great in God's Eyes" that one of the key marks of a great Christian is that he or she pursues great people. To illustrate this, he adds that every Christian needs at least one "Paul"(a teacher), one "Barnabas"(a comrade or partner), and one "Timothy"(a deciple). I mean, Elijah had his Elisha and Paul had his Timothy. Even our Lord invested most of His time in 12 ordinary men in a span of three years than all of the Jews in Galilee combined. So what about you? Where's your "Timothy"?
Ironic, because as I'm sitting in this chair of mine, typing this all up, I am quickly reminded of how much of a "Timothy" I am to MY very own "Paul". Fortunate for me I will be having the privilige of rooming with him for one semester. My "Paul" taught me evangelism and has introduced so many new Christian concepts in my life since then. It feels like he has paved the way for me all this time, from going to TCC, meeting up with the leaders of Campus Crusade for Christ, and introducing myself to the old members of CSM, to now Moody. I feel so honored to have met him and wish to bask in his shadow for as long as I can, allowing him to continue to teach me new things for as long as I have him in my life. What's even more ironic is how much decipleship of my very own "Timothys" have occured. I am now their own "Paul", assuming the position of a teacher and role model to them, just as Joseph is to me.
Jon and Seth Durant I met after my February trip to Moody, before I even knew I was accepted. Their sister, Lindsey, is such an amazing sister of whom I have had the privilige to at least spend time with her for the week I was up there. After that trip, Lindsey's mom invited me over for a Sunday luncheon at their house. Little did I know, Tracie had been looking for a decipler for her boys, and her knowing I was an "expert evangelist" (using Jon's words), she jumped at the idea of me meeting her boys in addition to the family. Previously Lindsey has taken them out to evangelize so they were no stranger to sharing their faith, although they were, and still are, grand projects under construction.
It has been 2 months since I met the Durant family and I must say, Jon and Seth have made great strides in evangelism during the time I have spent with them. Devouring the Way of the Matser dvds I had lend them, they always feel it necessary to share with me encounters they have had the previous day or so at Walmart, or at school with their classmates and friends when it came to talking to them about the Gospel. Seth is the one who is homeschooled while Jon attends public school, yet being in 8th grade and doing what took me years later to learn already...sometimes I feel I am training what could possibly be the founders of the Neo-Navigators. If one were to just observe how these boys, let alone any of the Durant boys, look, talk, or even act around me, one would see admiration oozing from their eyeballs, and it is because of this realization I marvel. They have literally put me upon the "teacher pedastal" the same way I have put my respective "Paul" on his in my own life. Therefore, I fear ever erring in speech or conduct around them. I wish to continue to grow them into a spiritual copy of me, so that when I am gone, they may carry on the work of the Lord.
Jon and Seth are but two interesting aspects of my current life, and for me to leave out Crystal would be a grave mistake on my part. Crystal Knorpp I met in my senior year at Fossil Ridge. She was a junior at the time, and the girlfriend of one of my good buddies (still is). I had just endured constant training in evangelism from Joseph and now was taking what I had learned and applied it in my spare time in public school. Crystal was not at all thrilled seeing me do what I did. Though she was a Christian, she thought what I did was detestable and offensive beyond belief. Though we were friends (a bond that actually took very slowly to form) we had what I called a "sparky" relationship, always headbutting on whether or not what I did was "Jesus-like" or not. Yet around March of this year, she had expressed an interest in what I did (a miraculous change of heart if one were to know what kind of conversations were held between the two of us). Taking her out to Southlake Townsquare has been a privilige, as she has now recieved my passion for the Lost. Praise God Almighty, who is able to change the hearts of men and women! Crystal is now doing in my old high school what she hated seeing me do. Everytime we go out to Southlake she is always quick to spot out groups of people and tell me, "We should talk to them Nick!" I love her so much and praise God for this miracle of a change of heart.
I must admit, decipleship is a hard lesson to learn. Evangelism is my forte, but decipleship is another ball-park. Not in the least sense complaining, but remarking how accountable I am to at least these three comrades of mine. If I stumble, they are their to see it. If I curse or swear, they will be there to hear it. I cannot wait what the Lord has in store for these three, and hopefully God will continue to use me in their lives even if I am states apart from them all.
"But you know of his [Timothy] proven worth, that he served with me in the furtherance of the gospel like a child serving his father..." (Philippians 2:22).
With full knowledge of finals ahead of me and much studying to be done, I would like to ramble on about something a little more interesting than what TCC has to throw at me before I fly off to Moody: decipleship. I believe it was John MacArthur who said that decipleship was even more important than evangelism. Reason is is that if you can blast out the Gospel to everyone in the world, terrific, yet if you can work in the life of even one individual, pouring all your knowledge and self into that person, you've done something so amazing. MacArthur used the term "making copies of yourself." Chip Ingram once said in his book, "Good to Great in God's Eyes" that one of the key marks of a great Christian is that he or she pursues great people. To illustrate this, he adds that every Christian needs at least one "Paul"(a teacher), one "Barnabas"(a comrade or partner), and one "Timothy"(a deciple). I mean, Elijah had his Elisha and Paul had his Timothy. Even our Lord invested most of His time in 12 ordinary men in a span of three years than all of the Jews in Galilee combined. So what about you? Where's your "Timothy"?
Ironic, because as I'm sitting in this chair of mine, typing this all up, I am quickly reminded of how much of a "Timothy" I am to MY very own "Paul". Fortunate for me I will be having the privilige of rooming with him for one semester. My "Paul" taught me evangelism and has introduced so many new Christian concepts in my life since then. It feels like he has paved the way for me all this time, from going to TCC, meeting up with the leaders of Campus Crusade for Christ, and introducing myself to the old members of CSM, to now Moody. I feel so honored to have met him and wish to bask in his shadow for as long as I can, allowing him to continue to teach me new things for as long as I have him in my life. What's even more ironic is how much decipleship of my very own "Timothys" have occured. I am now their own "Paul", assuming the position of a teacher and role model to them, just as Joseph is to me.
Jon and Seth Durant I met after my February trip to Moody, before I even knew I was accepted. Their sister, Lindsey, is such an amazing sister of whom I have had the privilige to at least spend time with her for the week I was up there. After that trip, Lindsey's mom invited me over for a Sunday luncheon at their house. Little did I know, Tracie had been looking for a decipler for her boys, and her knowing I was an "expert evangelist" (using Jon's words), she jumped at the idea of me meeting her boys in addition to the family. Previously Lindsey has taken them out to evangelize so they were no stranger to sharing their faith, although they were, and still are, grand projects under construction.
It has been 2 months since I met the Durant family and I must say, Jon and Seth have made great strides in evangelism during the time I have spent with them. Devouring the Way of the Matser dvds I had lend them, they always feel it necessary to share with me encounters they have had the previous day or so at Walmart, or at school with their classmates and friends when it came to talking to them about the Gospel. Seth is the one who is homeschooled while Jon attends public school, yet being in 8th grade and doing what took me years later to learn already...sometimes I feel I am training what could possibly be the founders of the Neo-Navigators. If one were to just observe how these boys, let alone any of the Durant boys, look, talk, or even act around me, one would see admiration oozing from their eyeballs, and it is because of this realization I marvel. They have literally put me upon the "teacher pedastal" the same way I have put my respective "Paul" on his in my own life. Therefore, I fear ever erring in speech or conduct around them. I wish to continue to grow them into a spiritual copy of me, so that when I am gone, they may carry on the work of the Lord.
Jon and Seth are but two interesting aspects of my current life, and for me to leave out Crystal would be a grave mistake on my part. Crystal Knorpp I met in my senior year at Fossil Ridge. She was a junior at the time, and the girlfriend of one of my good buddies (still is). I had just endured constant training in evangelism from Joseph and now was taking what I had learned and applied it in my spare time in public school. Crystal was not at all thrilled seeing me do what I did. Though she was a Christian, she thought what I did was detestable and offensive beyond belief. Though we were friends (a bond that actually took very slowly to form) we had what I called a "sparky" relationship, always headbutting on whether or not what I did was "Jesus-like" or not. Yet around March of this year, she had expressed an interest in what I did (a miraculous change of heart if one were to know what kind of conversations were held between the two of us). Taking her out to Southlake Townsquare has been a privilige, as she has now recieved my passion for the Lost. Praise God Almighty, who is able to change the hearts of men and women! Crystal is now doing in my old high school what she hated seeing me do. Everytime we go out to Southlake she is always quick to spot out groups of people and tell me, "We should talk to them Nick!" I love her so much and praise God for this miracle of a change of heart.
I must admit, decipleship is a hard lesson to learn. Evangelism is my forte, but decipleship is another ball-park. Not in the least sense complaining, but remarking how accountable I am to at least these three comrades of mine. If I stumble, they are their to see it. If I curse or swear, they will be there to hear it. I cannot wait what the Lord has in store for these three, and hopefully God will continue to use me in their lives even if I am states apart from them all.
"But you know of his [Timothy] proven worth, that he served with me in the furtherance of the gospel like a child serving his father..." (Philippians 2:22).
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Paving The Road For God's Messenger
Heart-beating fast...sweat running down my face...a yell that shatters the mosaic silence of the night...This was the time God began to teach me that I was commissioned by Him to preach His Word
It's been about 2 years now since I started to evangelize the world. From the hot, hot summers out in Watauga, Texas to the chilly climate of Chicago in February, my outreach has been steadily gaining speed as time moves forward. Facing opposition from even fellow church-goers (dealing with accusations of me being too "direct, offensive, and personal" in evangelism) hasn't stalled my outreach for one second. In fact, it has only pushed me on further. Now...to explain the "climactic-like" introduction to what the reader just read. I do not normally share what exactly pushed me to pursue evangelism, due to fears of claims of insanity being hurled at me, yet as I am sitting in front of my screen right now, THIS particular night happened to be the night which turned my world upside-down when it came to God poking a hole inside that space I call "my comfort zone."
To start off, it was about 7 months into my new life in Him when I first started thinking about evangelism. Leaving the comfortable, Christian environment of the Colorado trip in 2007 I just KNEW I had to do just something with the news about Christ, yet I chose not to do anything for a plethora of reasons all sprouting out from personal fear. Reading chapters like Matthew 28 and Luke 24 didn't convince me right on the spot. I was stubborn in my way of thinking and hardened my heart to God's command for all Christians to spread the Gospel to all nations and peoples. Then one night, God finally got my attention...
To this day I do not have a single clue what woke me up, but I do remember awaking to one of the biggest anxiety attacks I had ever faced! It was around 4:00 on a Saturday morning when I awoke with an extreme urge to learn just how I need to share my faith. My heart was beating fast and I remember I was really startled, but what scared me the most was a voice in my head, a voice that said that I needed to learn how to evangelize or that my mother would be taken away from me...Details are very vague for me to remember but I do remember praying to God not to take my mother away from me. I was 17 at the time and I had never felt so threatened in the comforts of my own home before, let alone my bedroom. Whether that was God trying to break down the 50-foot wall around my heart that stopped me from submitting to Him or it was Satan attacking me, knowing that by myself I would never begin evangelizing and played around with that by attacking my heart, I do not know. All I did know was that I needed to pray right then and there for protection from these threats and that my mother would be ok.
The rest of that day proved to be very interesting indeed. My church was holding a Men's Breakfast several hours later, and just when I was about to get a second helping of coffee for my eggs, hashbrowns, and sausage, Pastor John spoke up, "Today, we're going to talk about one of the most important imperatives a Christian must follow through with: evangelism." I literally stopped dead in front of the coffee pot with my mouth opened...I couldn't believe what I just heard. The rest of John's message was just about that...evangelism! Suddenly I began praying what I believe I should've prayed in my room hours before I came to my church that morning: "God, teach me how to be an evangelist." That exact prayer caused me to find myself doing what I never had thought I would ever do, and that was going up to random people in my school, and talking to them about Christ. Granted, I was real inexperienced, and these days I would NEVER try to defend how I shared my faith way back when. I needed a teacher, and God knew about that...which is why I am confident He brought Joseph into my life.
As mentioned earlier I had been attending Cornerstone Bible Church for 7 months now. I had gotten really close to the youth of the church, Matthew Edwards (the youth leader at the time), and just the people in general, but it is very funny how I never got to know Joseph Schmidt. I knew ABOUT Him with his habit of going to Downtown Fort Worth and doing something called "open air preaching," but never asked him what that was exactly. Another funny thing is that whenever people ask me how we met, truthfully I tell them I have no clue. Whether I went up to him personally or vice-versa, I remember him giving me his card with a Gospel presentation on the back (my first experience with a Gospel tract) and told me to call his phone number that was found on the card if I was still interested in evangelizing with him. I followed up with him on that offer and together we drove to his usual, Saturday-night "fishing spot" where I got my very first experience with evangelism. Truthfully a frightening experience, as one of the fellow "preachers" were threatened by a heckler, claiming he was going to go home, get some of his friends, and bring their guns to kill him. Though scary as it was, seeing Joseph preach with all confidence filled me with so much admiration for the man. I soon WANTED to be like him and have his confidence. So that night followed into a routine, over the-summer schedule of Joseph picking me up from my house 2-3 times every week, driving over to Capp Smith Park, and him instructing me in open air preaching. To help me out more, Joseph introduced me to Way of the Master, where I literally devoured all the dvds he had lent me to watch. By the end of that summer, my boldness grew tremendously and any fears I had about evangelism lessened. Looking back, that particular summer would probably be the most profitable one I had ever experienced in my life...and when it was time for that summer to draw to a close, I felt God, through Joseph, had equipped me tremendously for the work he had in store for me.
So far, I believe this post was the most fun post I had the privilege to type up. Since the beginning of this post I knew I had to recount, chronologically, how God had transformed me from a shy, introverted Christian, to now a fire-breathing evangelist. Taking with me all the evangelistic experience I had aquired over that summer into my senior year at Fossil Ridge High School, I began my year with a loud "BANG!" My routine all year was to go to school either super early or stay after school super late just talking to people about sin, Hell, righteousness, Jesus, grace, repentance, and faith in Christ alone for salvation. By the end of that year I had garnered, by God's grace, a reputation for being a Christian evangelist by mostly every group and clique in the school it seemed like. I rejoiced that people I never really hung out with knew about me because of what I did, even if they heckled me a bit as I walked to my car! After graduating high school, I entered TCC where my repuation followed as I had done some campus evangelism. Right now, I am leading a group of evangelists to Southlake Townsquare every Saturday night, the group being comprised of people whether I am either decipling or who has had experience in evangelism, and just a few weeks ago I got a call from Joseph saying that Student Outreach Leadership had unanimously voted me into leadership for my first year up at Moody!
The road has been paved for me already and I am excited to be used by God to walk down this road and spread His Word. As I look back in time to where I was in that pit of depression, and where I am now, I praise God that I am now an ambassador of Christ. This post, as well as the previous two, were for the purpose of establishing backround information on Nick Romero, and allowing the reader to get a glimpse into my heart as merely a sinner saved by grace. I can't end on a better note as I am thinking about Philippians 3, which describes my new heart so so perfectly. There, Paul writes, "Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (3:12-14).
It's been about 2 years now since I started to evangelize the world. From the hot, hot summers out in Watauga, Texas to the chilly climate of Chicago in February, my outreach has been steadily gaining speed as time moves forward. Facing opposition from even fellow church-goers (dealing with accusations of me being too "direct, offensive, and personal" in evangelism) hasn't stalled my outreach for one second. In fact, it has only pushed me on further. Now...to explain the "climactic-like" introduction to what the reader just read. I do not normally share what exactly pushed me to pursue evangelism, due to fears of claims of insanity being hurled at me, yet as I am sitting in front of my screen right now, THIS particular night happened to be the night which turned my world upside-down when it came to God poking a hole inside that space I call "my comfort zone."
To start off, it was about 7 months into my new life in Him when I first started thinking about evangelism. Leaving the comfortable, Christian environment of the Colorado trip in 2007 I just KNEW I had to do just something with the news about Christ, yet I chose not to do anything for a plethora of reasons all sprouting out from personal fear. Reading chapters like Matthew 28 and Luke 24 didn't convince me right on the spot. I was stubborn in my way of thinking and hardened my heart to God's command for all Christians to spread the Gospel to all nations and peoples. Then one night, God finally got my attention...
To this day I do not have a single clue what woke me up, but I do remember awaking to one of the biggest anxiety attacks I had ever faced! It was around 4:00 on a Saturday morning when I awoke with an extreme urge to learn just how I need to share my faith. My heart was beating fast and I remember I was really startled, but what scared me the most was a voice in my head, a voice that said that I needed to learn how to evangelize or that my mother would be taken away from me...Details are very vague for me to remember but I do remember praying to God not to take my mother away from me. I was 17 at the time and I had never felt so threatened in the comforts of my own home before, let alone my bedroom. Whether that was God trying to break down the 50-foot wall around my heart that stopped me from submitting to Him or it was Satan attacking me, knowing that by myself I would never begin evangelizing and played around with that by attacking my heart, I do not know. All I did know was that I needed to pray right then and there for protection from these threats and that my mother would be ok.
The rest of that day proved to be very interesting indeed. My church was holding a Men's Breakfast several hours later, and just when I was about to get a second helping of coffee for my eggs, hashbrowns, and sausage, Pastor John spoke up, "Today, we're going to talk about one of the most important imperatives a Christian must follow through with: evangelism." I literally stopped dead in front of the coffee pot with my mouth opened...I couldn't believe what I just heard. The rest of John's message was just about that...evangelism! Suddenly I began praying what I believe I should've prayed in my room hours before I came to my church that morning: "God, teach me how to be an evangelist." That exact prayer caused me to find myself doing what I never had thought I would ever do, and that was going up to random people in my school, and talking to them about Christ. Granted, I was real inexperienced, and these days I would NEVER try to defend how I shared my faith way back when. I needed a teacher, and God knew about that...which is why I am confident He brought Joseph into my life.
As mentioned earlier I had been attending Cornerstone Bible Church for 7 months now. I had gotten really close to the youth of the church, Matthew Edwards (the youth leader at the time), and just the people in general, but it is very funny how I never got to know Joseph Schmidt. I knew ABOUT Him with his habit of going to Downtown Fort Worth and doing something called "open air preaching," but never asked him what that was exactly. Another funny thing is that whenever people ask me how we met, truthfully I tell them I have no clue. Whether I went up to him personally or vice-versa, I remember him giving me his card with a Gospel presentation on the back (my first experience with a Gospel tract) and told me to call his phone number that was found on the card if I was still interested in evangelizing with him. I followed up with him on that offer and together we drove to his usual, Saturday-night "fishing spot" where I got my very first experience with evangelism. Truthfully a frightening experience, as one of the fellow "preachers" were threatened by a heckler, claiming he was going to go home, get some of his friends, and bring their guns to kill him. Though scary as it was, seeing Joseph preach with all confidence filled me with so much admiration for the man. I soon WANTED to be like him and have his confidence. So that night followed into a routine, over the-summer schedule of Joseph picking me up from my house 2-3 times every week, driving over to Capp Smith Park, and him instructing me in open air preaching. To help me out more, Joseph introduced me to Way of the Master, where I literally devoured all the dvds he had lent me to watch. By the end of that summer, my boldness grew tremendously and any fears I had about evangelism lessened. Looking back, that particular summer would probably be the most profitable one I had ever experienced in my life...and when it was time for that summer to draw to a close, I felt God, through Joseph, had equipped me tremendously for the work he had in store for me.
So far, I believe this post was the most fun post I had the privilege to type up. Since the beginning of this post I knew I had to recount, chronologically, how God had transformed me from a shy, introverted Christian, to now a fire-breathing evangelist. Taking with me all the evangelistic experience I had aquired over that summer into my senior year at Fossil Ridge High School, I began my year with a loud "BANG!" My routine all year was to go to school either super early or stay after school super late just talking to people about sin, Hell, righteousness, Jesus, grace, repentance, and faith in Christ alone for salvation. By the end of that year I had garnered, by God's grace, a reputation for being a Christian evangelist by mostly every group and clique in the school it seemed like. I rejoiced that people I never really hung out with knew about me because of what I did, even if they heckled me a bit as I walked to my car! After graduating high school, I entered TCC where my repuation followed as I had done some campus evangelism. Right now, I am leading a group of evangelists to Southlake Townsquare every Saturday night, the group being comprised of people whether I am either decipling or who has had experience in evangelism, and just a few weeks ago I got a call from Joseph saying that Student Outreach Leadership had unanimously voted me into leadership for my first year up at Moody!
The road has been paved for me already and I am excited to be used by God to walk down this road and spread His Word. As I look back in time to where I was in that pit of depression, and where I am now, I praise God that I am now an ambassador of Christ. This post, as well as the previous two, were for the purpose of establishing backround information on Nick Romero, and allowing the reader to get a glimpse into my heart as merely a sinner saved by grace. I can't end on a better note as I am thinking about Philippians 3, which describes my new heart so so perfectly. There, Paul writes, "Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (3:12-14).
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Revolution of a Lifetime: Lost Sinner to Adored Son
Quite recently I have been trying to read through the entire Old Testament just in time for my Old Testament Survey class I'll be taking in the Fall up at Moody. A while ago there was a Psalm I read that really conveys my thankfulness to Yeshua for the salvation he granted me up in the mountains of Colorado in the year of 2007. This is but part of that psalm: "For the choir director. A Psalm of David. I waited patiently for the LORD; And He inclined to me and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; Many will see and fear And will trust in the LORD..."(Psalm 40:1-3). For three years I was in a "pit" of depression, devoid of any hope whatsoever. For three years I searched for a purpose in life for Nick Romero, only (to recap from the previous blog) to come short of a true answer, even after those 4 guesses I came up with. Salvation came to me in a way I never expected, and that was through a youth retreat in another state I've never been to. I connected quickly with the youth at Cornerstone, their pastors, and a man by the name of Matthew Edwards (at the time, the youth leader of the church). I came back to Texas, not with just a more optimistic feeling in my life, not with a newly found psychological change in that brain of mine, but with salvation and an answer to my purpose...
One passage Pastor John went over with us was Philippians chapter 3. To this day, this chapter is one of my favorate chapters in all the New Testament because Paul explained that even after all the titles he plastered upon his name, he still counted all his fame as nothing in comparison for the sake of Christ (3:8---according to the King James Version, "dung"). This astounded my 16 year old brain at the time...He had fame, friends, prestige among anything else! He never came up short...but here was this man long ago who died writing to this church saying all that he attained in life is pure "dung" when it came to comparing all he had for to the privlege of knowing Christ. All my life I knew about the Law of God and what sin can do, but I never had the grace of God shown more vividly to me during that week...and this man named "Paul" praised God all throughout the New Testament, no matter to what church he was writing to...
I soon found myself back in Texas a new man. Sadly enough, I was never an original kinda dude, because my new purpose in life happens to be Paul's: "Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:13-14). Readers...to this day I cannot explain the joy I felt sometime that week. As mentioned before, I really did feel like I was in a pit of despair, until the Lord graciously pulled me out. Sometime during that week I experienced grace in a salvivic way...I experienced a revolution of a lifetime, where Christ saved Nick Romero...
Adventures soon followed after that blessed week, along with many new bonds with people and heartbreaks along the road alike. New passions, commitments, and dreams soon arose as I entered 17 years of age, yet my set of adventures did not cease there. I'm currently 19 and God is continually teaching me through new trials what it means to be a son of God...an ADORED son of God. SHALOM EVERYBODY!
One passage Pastor John went over with us was Philippians chapter 3. To this day, this chapter is one of my favorate chapters in all the New Testament because Paul explained that even after all the titles he plastered upon his name, he still counted all his fame as nothing in comparison for the sake of Christ (3:8---according to the King James Version, "dung"). This astounded my 16 year old brain at the time...He had fame, friends, prestige among anything else! He never came up short...but here was this man long ago who died writing to this church saying all that he attained in life is pure "dung" when it came to comparing all he had for to the privlege of knowing Christ. All my life I knew about the Law of God and what sin can do, but I never had the grace of God shown more vividly to me during that week...and this man named "Paul" praised God all throughout the New Testament, no matter to what church he was writing to...
I soon found myself back in Texas a new man. Sadly enough, I was never an original kinda dude, because my new purpose in life happens to be Paul's: "Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:13-14). Readers...to this day I cannot explain the joy I felt sometime that week. As mentioned before, I really did feel like I was in a pit of despair, until the Lord graciously pulled me out. Sometime during that week I experienced grace in a salvivic way...I experienced a revolution of a lifetime, where Christ saved Nick Romero...
Adventures soon followed after that blessed week, along with many new bonds with people and heartbreaks along the road alike. New passions, commitments, and dreams soon arose as I entered 17 years of age, yet my set of adventures did not cease there. I'm currently 19 and God is continually teaching me through new trials what it means to be a son of God...an ADORED son of God. SHALOM EVERYBODY!
In The Beginning...4 Guesses Were Made
In the beginning, there was God, the creator of time itself...this is part 1 of my testimony of how I came to know my Lord Yeshua...
I was born December 10th, 1990 in Northridge, California. God has already given me, at the time, two older brothers, a mother, and a father I barely knew about. My father died when I was real young, which, I would say, threw my brothers into a sea of depression, drawing them close to gang vilence in my hometown of Simi Valley, California. Most of the time it was just my mother and myself alone because my brothers were doing time in "juvi." When I was six, my mother remarried to another man named Tim: I would say my life's biggest antagonist, despite the many valuable things he taught me in life (i.e. Calvinism). One time when I was 11 I went to the movies with my mother and one of my brothers to see a movie by the title, "Left Behind." This would soon be the springboard of the work God had in store for me, as I was constantly afraid of being "left behind."
When I was 14, I began asking the big questions like, "What is my purpose in life?" Being a chubby kid all through my childhood, I never understood what it was like to be the "cool kid" of the group. Depression and anxiety started to kick in here as I rarely made friends, let alone played outside. At 15 years of age my mother accepted a job offer, which led my family to relocate from our comfortabkle home in Simi Valley to the very much warm climate area of Fort Worth, Texas. The transition was rough for me, at this time being 235 lbs and entering high school as a freshman. Meeting some good friends finally, I began to lose weight as I played with the neighborhood kids in our new housing development. Still, the big question remained in my heart: "What is the purpose of my life?" As I began my search for the answer, I came up with guesses...4 of them to be exact. At first I though my purpose was literally to serve my friends...how stupid I was because that only caused me more pain. My next guess came during the summer after my freshman year in high school as I got into wrestling. I thought my purpose was to serve my team and to excel in sports, and for a while, it helped me so much! Here I was, 180 lbs, having lost 50-something lbs over break, and finally fitting into a group I can now call my own! Self-esteem and courage grew...for a while that is. Looking back, I should've known that nobody can ever have everlasting peace without the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus.
Breaking off for a bit on this chronological timeline of my testimony, I started reading the Bible at a rate unheard of when it came to 13/14-year-old boys. Memorization of passages and church doctrines sky-rocketed off the charts as I memorized for the sole purpose of people 3 times my age praising me for my knowledge at church. Christianity became so legalistic as I crammed Bible chapter after Bible chapter in my head. I hated church...I hated youth groups...As I read the Bible more and more I began asking myself, "Where is the love in church?" All throughout my life I've had so many bad experiences with youth groups as they were either too seeker-friendly, or nobody ever even came up to talk to me and introduce themselves...As said before, I hated church with a passion...
In the beginning of my sophmore year, I met a 17-year-old girl by the name of Rhea Souder, and her and I became very, very close friends. At the time my family had found a small Baptist church, only to be turned off by it to find another church. Now, if it wasn't for the liberty that they gave me to stay at Landmark Baptist Church, Rhea would've never had the impact she did in my life. I could honestly say that she was like a character out of a fairytale untold, unread, and unwritten...over time, I felt special as I was her story's only reader. Looking back, she was strong as any warrior going through life, yet gentle as a small girl. There were times when she would even call me up crying over the phone over some particular situation she was going through. Everytime we talked overthe phone, our conversations lasted from 2-4 hours each night, allowing us to wake up for school groggy the following morning each and every time. To even try to describe her personality would be a challenge. Nevertheless, I was 15 years old and in love. Meeting her allowed me to make my third guess of what my life's purpose was: "To be there for Rhea whenever."
As mentioned before, we became close...close enough to even call each other "little brother" and "big sister." As I cotinued to be a part of Rhea's life, my life became so complicated. Wrestling was pointless to me now because all I wanted to do was be with Rhea. We got to a point where she began telling me of her past...unrated. I felt so privlidged to uncover the secrets of her life I was "assured" by my own deceitful heart that I was going to spend the rest of my life with her...Now it was time for God to usher me into the beginning of His plan for me...
During the summer of my sophmore year I was invited over Rhea's for the weekend (she lived in Granbury, TX). Truthfully, at heart I am a headcase, as out of my own depression, emotional-clinginess, and anxiety I started a fight over pointless issues with Rhea. After that weekend I returned home and over the phone she revealed she couldn't deal with my emotional-chaotic self, and that we should back off from each other...Depression rose, bursting out like a hot-spring. I soon became suicidal and prayed that God would take my life away. "What was my purose exactly!?" My fourth guess was: "I had none..."
"Where was God?" "Did He really love me?" "Where did it say in the Bible that He saved Nick Romero?" "Does He want me to stay depressed?" These are but a fistful of questions I had for myself and God...if He heard me. My depression became so evident, especially when I broke down in front of my own parents, that they signed me up for THEIR church's youth retreat...At the time, I stil hated church and youth groups, but I also wanted to leave Texas. The retreat was up in Colorado in a cabin. At this point, I'd take any detour out of my life, so I chose to go..."Where was God exactly?" In the beginning...4 guesses were made...
I was born December 10th, 1990 in Northridge, California. God has already given me, at the time, two older brothers, a mother, and a father I barely knew about. My father died when I was real young, which, I would say, threw my brothers into a sea of depression, drawing them close to gang vilence in my hometown of Simi Valley, California. Most of the time it was just my mother and myself alone because my brothers were doing time in "juvi." When I was six, my mother remarried to another man named Tim: I would say my life's biggest antagonist, despite the many valuable things he taught me in life (i.e. Calvinism). One time when I was 11 I went to the movies with my mother and one of my brothers to see a movie by the title, "Left Behind." This would soon be the springboard of the work God had in store for me, as I was constantly afraid of being "left behind."
When I was 14, I began asking the big questions like, "What is my purpose in life?" Being a chubby kid all through my childhood, I never understood what it was like to be the "cool kid" of the group. Depression and anxiety started to kick in here as I rarely made friends, let alone played outside. At 15 years of age my mother accepted a job offer, which led my family to relocate from our comfortabkle home in Simi Valley to the very much warm climate area of Fort Worth, Texas. The transition was rough for me, at this time being 235 lbs and entering high school as a freshman. Meeting some good friends finally, I began to lose weight as I played with the neighborhood kids in our new housing development. Still, the big question remained in my heart: "What is the purpose of my life?" As I began my search for the answer, I came up with guesses...4 of them to be exact. At first I though my purpose was literally to serve my friends...how stupid I was because that only caused me more pain. My next guess came during the summer after my freshman year in high school as I got into wrestling. I thought my purpose was to serve my team and to excel in sports, and for a while, it helped me so much! Here I was, 180 lbs, having lost 50-something lbs over break, and finally fitting into a group I can now call my own! Self-esteem and courage grew...for a while that is. Looking back, I should've known that nobody can ever have everlasting peace without the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus.
Breaking off for a bit on this chronological timeline of my testimony, I started reading the Bible at a rate unheard of when it came to 13/14-year-old boys. Memorization of passages and church doctrines sky-rocketed off the charts as I memorized for the sole purpose of people 3 times my age praising me for my knowledge at church. Christianity became so legalistic as I crammed Bible chapter after Bible chapter in my head. I hated church...I hated youth groups...As I read the Bible more and more I began asking myself, "Where is the love in church?" All throughout my life I've had so many bad experiences with youth groups as they were either too seeker-friendly, or nobody ever even came up to talk to me and introduce themselves...As said before, I hated church with a passion...
In the beginning of my sophmore year, I met a 17-year-old girl by the name of Rhea Souder, and her and I became very, very close friends. At the time my family had found a small Baptist church, only to be turned off by it to find another church. Now, if it wasn't for the liberty that they gave me to stay at Landmark Baptist Church, Rhea would've never had the impact she did in my life. I could honestly say that she was like a character out of a fairytale untold, unread, and unwritten...over time, I felt special as I was her story's only reader. Looking back, she was strong as any warrior going through life, yet gentle as a small girl. There were times when she would even call me up crying over the phone over some particular situation she was going through. Everytime we talked overthe phone, our conversations lasted from 2-4 hours each night, allowing us to wake up for school groggy the following morning each and every time. To even try to describe her personality would be a challenge. Nevertheless, I was 15 years old and in love. Meeting her allowed me to make my third guess of what my life's purpose was: "To be there for Rhea whenever."
As mentioned before, we became close...close enough to even call each other "little brother" and "big sister." As I cotinued to be a part of Rhea's life, my life became so complicated. Wrestling was pointless to me now because all I wanted to do was be with Rhea. We got to a point where she began telling me of her past...unrated. I felt so privlidged to uncover the secrets of her life I was "assured" by my own deceitful heart that I was going to spend the rest of my life with her...Now it was time for God to usher me into the beginning of His plan for me...
During the summer of my sophmore year I was invited over Rhea's for the weekend (she lived in Granbury, TX). Truthfully, at heart I am a headcase, as out of my own depression, emotional-clinginess, and anxiety I started a fight over pointless issues with Rhea. After that weekend I returned home and over the phone she revealed she couldn't deal with my emotional-chaotic self, and that we should back off from each other...Depression rose, bursting out like a hot-spring. I soon became suicidal and prayed that God would take my life away. "What was my purose exactly!?" My fourth guess was: "I had none..."
"Where was God?" "Did He really love me?" "Where did it say in the Bible that He saved Nick Romero?" "Does He want me to stay depressed?" These are but a fistful of questions I had for myself and God...if He heard me. My depression became so evident, especially when I broke down in front of my own parents, that they signed me up for THEIR church's youth retreat...At the time, I stil hated church and youth groups, but I also wanted to leave Texas. The retreat was up in Colorado in a cabin. At this point, I'd take any detour out of my life, so I chose to go..."Where was God exactly?" In the beginning...4 guesses were made...
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